Depression
I resigned my job after Simon left.The last day of working Jimmys, I earned AUD100 tips. I earned customer like me for my last day. I left jimmy with my good impressions and reputations.
I wasn’t very happy to myself to continue jimmys. It was not problem with the Jimmys staff. It was me. Since my dad came to Brisbane, I didn’t get to spend time with him in 13 days. I felt so sorry for him.
I felt so stress when my dad came here. I have to take care so many things until I am going to be very crazy. My dad didn’t know that how hard I have been striving for my life. My dad keep nagging of me so many things. When my dad start nagging on me and he repeated the same things to my head. I just got too much pressures on my head. End up, I have a few fights with him. I told that is nothign I can do about it. i have job offer in Aus and I have given all the visa info to my employers to get my visa. My dad still keep rushing me all the things.
I was so stress. I tried to tell my dad to stop nagging me. He didn’t understand how I feel. All his thinking is Job and money.. He had never thought that spending a good relax time with me.
That was once I went to church, I talked to god. Why my dad over nagged me. I am stress from my manager of my job. I knew 1 day he is going to fire me when I asked for leave to spend time with my dad. I am stress from my working visa. I am sad that I felt so sorry to my dad. He came all the way 10 hours to Brisbane and doing nothing. It was wasting time. I didn;t get a break and the time is too short for me to spend.I asked god, what shoudl i do? Why my dad keep putting a lot of pressures on me inapporiate way? God!! Can you please finish my life? Please end my life. I can;t stand like this anymore. I am not being myself at all.
I was crying in the church. Til now, my dad still dun understand. All the conversations are all about the jobs and money. I wanted to bring him to Gold coast. He didn’t really want it, he still want me to find out other ways to get working visa here. During the lunch, I tried to forget all the jobs. I wanted to talk other than work. But, he just kept quiet. I felt the love turning into hate. Why he treat me like this?
When I went back home, I asked Tessa " Do you have drugs that I can have? Do you have anyways can teach me to kill myself.?" Then I told her all the situation. Tessa was there for me.
I was so tire. i didn’t get to rest after graduation. I have to earn my own money to pay my injury treatments. My dad keep repeating the same thing to me : " Have you hear from school, jobs and anything? You should do it soon.You should go and do pilates." All the mentioned is money and jobs. I felt so dead.
I was so frustrated. I came to Brisbane. I started do my dance from 7 am until 5pm. I have injuries, I still dance. I wasn’t allow to have relationship til now. I have already done it. I send all the application to save my life here. I wasn’t allow to go out after 12am when I was young. I saved so many money and have been through many hard times. I have been obey him and tell everyone I love my dad. I cooked for him, he said still not good enough. I dun know why he is still unsatisfy me.
When my dad can understand? When he stop pressures on me?
