My Blog

It is towards the end of the year. I am going to graduate in DEC. Life is shocking because time flies very quickly. I am so excited to look forward next year. I have a feeling my life will be different by that time. It is very crazy.

Not long ago, I look back my old pics. I saw my dancing pics, secondary schoolmates, dancing mates and others. In 4 years, I just only have me and dance. I always have a dream and passion to be a dancer. But, dreams do not come true. Dreams provide the mind with the motivation to make things happen. All the teachers always advice me to keep striving. I did. Til now, I have a feeling that there will be no opportunities for me. Everything has to do the best for myself and nothing I can do.

My school director has given me a job offer. I can be a dance teacher and pilates instructor. I was thinking that it is my begining working life, I started earning money to have my own life. I am so excited to have this. I can’t wait to have my own living and independent. I hope everything will go well.

Just recently, I went out with my freinds have a party and drinks. It was fun and great. My friends treat me a lot of drinks. Cool Cool and crazy… It just make me relax. I would like to keep spending time with all my friends now a days. Next year, I might be not seeing them. I have learnt a lot from every single person. I always no "Hate"  and no "Pain", Be intrested in others and what they might teach you. Always keep smiling to explore the new world.   

I don’t know what is going about the world. Human has a lot of types of feelings. Everybody wants the most feeling is "LOVE". Love from family, freinds, lovers, and blah blah other thing. Feeling is a part of human’s chemistry thing that we can’t control. For the Love, It can be sweet and sorrow. I always wish to be a human has no feeling as like a plain water. But, I still can’t run away from this human nature chemistry.

Just recently, I have ended 1 relationship. To me, I don’t say "broke up" for my situation. I said "Ended" means is not a negative thins to split up. Til now, I still miss him. I don’t know why. I try to forget but I can’t. I always tell myself, life must go on. Don’t hold back. I have to stand my own 2 legs to walk around the world. I can’t depend on my family and my love to protect me from around the world all the time. It takes time to heal my wound. 

Life is weird. I don’t know why I met a lot of my housemates just ended the relationship with their loves recently. I felt so sorry to them. In a relationship must have passion, commiment, intimacy, and trust. Especially "TRUST", a couple is holding a glass name "TRUST". If 1 of the couple break the glass, it won’t replace the same glass as the previouse. It doesn’t mean a couple ended the relationship means they break the glass. There have so many reasons to end the relationship. The main thing is both couple can’t give the best to each other. So, can’t work it out. Sometimes the ended is to protect and respect each other.

Human’s lives is very busy now a days. Every human has to find their own future because life is just once. There is no 2nd chance in our life. So far, I heard a lot of relationship has a problem is "TIME". Busy working or long distance relationship, so can’t spend time together. There is no patience and couple will feel so sorry to each other. In Western lifestlye, most people want to have attachment and affections. In Asian, some couples can wait and some don’t. If the couple can wait until the time comes, it is a bonus.

Another thing is the "feeling". We grow up everyday.Growing is changing. What change? It is the mind. Once is changed, the feeling is faded. As a result, the relationship is finished.

Having relationship is either ready or not ready. It is all about "TIME". Most of the time, we can’t rely on each other. It is all about ourselves. It doesn’t mean 1st time or 2nd time. It depends on the human chemistry. Ended is ended, the most important thing is don’t break the "trust" glass and let go of him or her if u are still like him or her.

In Asian lifestyle, Ladies always have less choices in their life. This is because of parents curfew on them. If the parents are open-minded, the ladies are lucky. If the parents are very traditional, the ladies only have 2 choices either career or marriage. This is very sad that asian ladies can’t follow their natural feeling to make their own decision. It will be also hard for the couple.

Well, anything happen has a reason. It is a fact and we have to accept the life. Nothing can help it. It is a very difficult journey to walk but we still have to walk along to build our strenght.

This song is sang by Elisa. This is song is so meaningful to me. In my whole life, I love to dance. But, I have a feeling that I can’t dance forever and I will be leaving the stage very soon. Dance is one of my most important lover. I have a hard time to give up my dancer life.

DANCING

Time is gonna take my mind
and carry it far away where I can fly
The depth of life will dim my temptation to live for you
If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears
’cause it’s all about love and I know better
How life is a waving feather

So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they’re on you
And I hope that you won’t hurt me
So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they’re on you
And I hope that you won’t hurt me

Stress!! Stress!! Stress!! What do I stress?? During entire this year, I stress of my dance. I have a lot of injuries with me. One of them is I broke my toe before I flew to Sydney. End Up, I didn’t get to do my ballet. I did Jazz and Comtemporary.

After 2 weeks holidays, I have a month to do my Advanced 2 exam. I thought I can go en pointe. But, I can’t. After a week, I try to do pointe. But I still can’t get up. I can say I couldn’t do pointe for a month before the exam. I was so depress because I have so many pointe works I can’t prepare.

Even my last week for my Adv 2 practise, I couldn’t do any pirrouttes and any dance. All my ankles are so weak. I dance with pointe shoes entire life. I was so sad. I don’t know why I lose so many strenght on my dance.

The day before my exam, my school director gave me a free private lesson. I did all my demi pointe works are clean and steady. Coming to pointe, I felt so unnormal. I couldn’t feel the pointe dances are my walking leg. I still can’t do my 16 fouette pirrouttes and my 2 performance dances.  I was so upset. My School director encourage me, just do the best I can. I told her, I work so so hard until tire, why i lost my hard works. She said there is nothing we can do about it.

The next day, I wake up and I went to a church and I pray. Even though, I am not very religiouse person. Sometimes, people work so hard but they can’t get anything what they want. So, there is only 1 thing they can do is "PRAY". I pray to the god for making me to dance with my broken toe. No matter how hard, I will still go for it.

Afterthat, I went to coffee shop get a cup of coffee. Then I did pilates for my warm up before I went to Exam studio. I was a little nervouse. I just tell myself, I will be alrite. I am going to do this. This is my last exam. I am going to pass once. There will be no second chance for me.

I went in, I did well all my barre, center, and allegro. Coming to the pointe, I have  a little bit scare. I just worn my pointe shoe and go up. In the begining, I felt weird. i felt the shoes still not fit with my feet and still not normal. I was so scare. I was thinking there was no hope for me. I kept continue and do it with my frustration. Lucky that I did my double pirrouttes en pointe. I was suprise.

Coming to end, the examiner forgot the 16 fouette pirrouttes. I was quiet and not to mention. Unfortunately, the 3rd girl in my group informed to the examner the pirrouttes. In my brain said, Damn it!!!! So I just walked to the center and do it. I was praying  in my mind. When the music starts, I did my 16 pirrouttes but without pointing my toes. I was extremely suprise for my self. I didn’t practise my pirrouttes enpointe more than 1 month. Somehow the miracle just come to me. My last classical dance, I did it as well.. I was thinking, What is going on??? I can do everything. I was satisfy and happy with the result.

Today, I was doing my homeworks in school. My school director came to me and kiss on my forehead and said " Congratulation!! Candy, you have passed your ADV2 exam. " I was so happy until I cried. I can’t believe it I just pass once.

I went to church and pray. I thank to god that he made me do it.I thank to him what he has given me. Somehow, in my brain, I still remember there is another person I want to thank and appreacite is Leon. He accompanied me before the exam. He was there for me. I was thinking that It was worht it with him in 2 months. In the end, I have to let him go. I really thank god.

I went home and call out everybody and annouce my exam’s result. I brought my smilling and laughter everywhere. Suddenly, it was raining heavily. I was thinking I want to play with the rain. but, it stopped. So, I just don’t know why I walked to the port side. Walking half way, I saw the fire works in front of me. OMG, What happen to me today?