My Blog

Everyday, pilates, stretch, and ballet. Every Tuesday WEdnesday, comtemporary. and Every Thursday and Friday, Jazz.

This week is my big and weak week. It is my 8thweek. I still left 2 weeks then is my easter holiday. I can’t wait to have holiday. I am very very tire. I try to move my body  and I was struggling to do it. Last Wednesday, I tried to do Repertoire, but i just can’t do it at all. Out of Sudden, my frustration just came out. I walked to the toilet and close the door have a big upset of myself.

Until now I still have a big problem in my nose blocking. I hardly breath when i dance. It is so annoying. I want to see a doctor for checking up. I don’t have a free time to do it.

Today is Friday, it was History dance assignment due this morning. The day before, I slept at 1 a.m to finish my assignement. I hate to do history work. I always dragged the work until the last day. This morning, I danced, I can;t get 1 step from what my teacher said. I am so stupid. The brain has never function at all.. I started swearing at myself not doing well in my work. In Jazz, learning the new steps. Once one the bloody music, I just lost. It is a bullshit week. I really need a break and 12 hours sleep. My body is getting tide. I feel I want to climb the highest monuntain and scream to realease my tension.

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG…….!!!!!!!!!!!! Let Me GO, TENSION!!!

I saw a tiny human who has a pair of big eyes and small lips. When I carry him, I felt a new human live in the world is so strong. I touch his tiny fingers and his feet. I just felt that is not easy to give up our life. I just carry him and attach with my heart. It is so loving and beautiful innocent feeling again.

Actually, I was very depressing my stuff a lot. So many many times, I want to give up. Last week, I was stress up with my choreography works. Now, I stress up again with other stuff.. Nothing that I can hide from it. When I saw myself working so much, but I have never got what I want. I am a failure. I know I am a very nasty person. I must be doing wrong thing in my past and this is what happen to me.When I saw a baby and I hold him, I start to build my life again and tell myself not to give up again.

I don’t gamble. My freinds were palying poker game with chips (fake money). Suddenly, my homemate, Drew asked me to play. I was totally blanked in my mind and don’t know what to do. Then, I tried. He and MArie taught me to play it. In the beginning, it was good. I started wining the games and the arrogant feeling appears in my personality. Half of the game, I lack of confident and fault the card. Drew saw that cards were so good and I can win all the chips. I didn’t do it. That’s why he said I am a silly girl. from that time, I start losing my chips.

I realised the poker game gave me my personality answer. It tells me that I am a lack of confident person. If I kept losing the confident, I will keep losing my life. How am I going to ask myself to be confident all the time. If I am over confident, I will be not humble. Hmm.. I don’t know how am I going to do next. Relaxing??   

I am leaving soon…

This is the 6th week of back to Aussies. Michael left to Melboure 3 weeks ago. Tomorrow, 3rd of March, another 4 people are going to leave from Allen St again.

Helena Pak is a Korean lady. I met her before I have gone back to Malaysia. She is very lovely, caring, and beautiful young mother. She studied her flight attendant in Aviation Australia. She has 2 children in Sydney and has been in Australia 14 years. Helena always treat everyone like her family. She has no fierce and brought a lot of sunshine face in the early morning. She is a very good cook too. I love the shushi that she makes. Recently, I asked her to teach me making beautiful fresh shushi. I will not waste my chances of learning to make shushi from her.

David and Brendon are boat maker. David is very cute german boy. He is just 16 years old boy. Everynight, he will ask "Tea or Coffee". He makes wonderful and sweet tea like him. He is full of laughter boy. Everytime, he said I am always winching and playful. hehe.. He loves to pronounce english in a good way for us. BEAUTIFUL… FANTASTIC… BRILLIANT…. LOL!!

Tully is a future good nanny. She speaks English very clear. It makes a lot of children understand what is she talking. She is a very attractive  to the kids.

Next Week, Martin and Manuria are leaving to Switchzealand. Martin is a professaionl Chef and Manuria ia a professional in wine. They are from Switchzealand. They are backpackers and going to English school at the same time. Martin had cooked Swiss food. It was so deliciouse. Manuria is a beautiful Swiss lady.

Mai is a Japanese Girl who is same dancing school with for about 2 months. She lived in Allen St. Not long ago, she had to move to another house because of full house in Allen St. She missed Allen St home. Every weekend, she visits Allen St. She doesn’t speak English. She is a very social person with a lot people. I am very amaze her courageouse to make friends with me and Australian.

This is my 2nd year in Australia, i have been non stop working hard in my dance. After school, I have a lot of communication with a lot of different background people. This is so valuable to me in my learning process. I appreaciate the people who have been already leaving me and they gave me a lot support and caring.

Everytime I change and grow up in my life. Til now, i miss Ros. I was so excited want to see her when I got my mobile message from her. Unfortunately, she had to stay in Brisbane airport for transit. I lost the opportunity want to see her again. I hope there is another chance for me to meet back all the people who I love.