My Blog

This is my new chapter of my life, HONG KONG!!!  I was too excited to fly to Hong Kong.  I kept thinking that I can’t wait to  fly when i was back home in 7 weeks.. Finally, I am already in Hong Kong a month.  I felt is just shut my eye in 1 second then i am in another life.

When I arrived in HK, My boss, Vivian Kwok picked me up from the airport. On the way to my new home, she just explained about the Hong Kong. She is a very nice and young woman. I feel that she is not my boss. I feel she is my friend when I see her.

Stepping into my new home at North Point, I didn’t expect this offer in my life. It is a very small hong kong apartment style. Inside the home, It has a tiny kitchen, tiny toilet, tiny bedroom, and not very small living hall. From my aparment, I can see the Sea view and the other side of the Hk. Everyday, I can see a lot of boats and ships passed by. Everynite, I always see beautiful light stones from the buildings where is the other side of HK and beautiful lights boats passed by. I love to see water when i am having stress time. Water makes me calm and cool. 

I walked to the VK school to see the environment. That is nice and clean. In VK school, there are 2 Australian and 1 New Zealand teachers. I am not worry for losing my english. I started to speak cantonese but is horrible. I am still learning. I have to read chinese as well. Omg, I have been not reading and writting my chinese 10 years. NOw I have to get back my chinese education. One thing, I am going to learn cantonese chinese which is very different mandarin chinese. Sometimes I am confuse and the students laugh at my cantonese because of funny slang.

I have a lot of travellings in Hk. I am going to teach 6 places. I know it is busy for me but I know is a very good experience. Recently, the school is having dance exam. I have to tide a lot of students hair into bun. Suddenly, I met a student’s mom from Malaysia. She said I am very lucky to have teaching job in HK. Honestly, HK teaching job is the highest pay in the world. I am so proud of myself that what I have accomplished for myself. I told my dad that must give a word called "trust" on me. I will definitely believe myself I can achieve what I want.

My life has begun to light up my candle. I will still keep dancing for my life. I will share my love with my students. As I said before, " All my achievements are from my hard work. I hope there is a new life for me to walk. I will not go back where I was before. "  If anything happen what I want but I can’t get at this moment, I only can do is " Leave it to the fainth."     

After the graduation, I am having difficulty to serch job in overseas. I was trying to continue staying in Aus. But, i couldn’t get anything in this country. I was stress up and upset but I was keep trying to search my new life at the same time.

During the time, my dad visited me in Australia. I was having miserable time from him. One day, I walked into a Tarot reading shop. I asked the lady to read about my life. On the tarot card reading, she said that is a job coming to me which is an overseas job and  It is a very good job. I started really curiose about this job. i know I have a feeling that I am leaving Aus and I have to go home is like a cage. I just didn’t think of this afterthat. After 5 days, I had a dinner with my school director and my dad. She just came back from a company meeting in Sydney. Then, she just got a phone call from a dancing school from Hong Kong. The dancing school is looking for dance teacher. It gives a wonderful job offer for this position. So, my school director asked me that am I intrested this job. I just said "YES!" . And, I have no thoughs about it and I just want it because is my life. I went back to the ADPi office and make a phone call to this HK school and just have this interview with the boss. My school director recommend the school to hire me this position. 

If I don’t have this job, I am so hard to give up Aussie life. Aussie change my life into really a person who I should be.I dun love the country. What I am looking for is my happiness and being myself. As I told my dad, this is my first job, I proved to him what I had done for myself. I don’t waste his 1 cent coin in Aussies. I did play and go out with friends but I still have to be responsible for my life.

I am so excited, I just can’t wait to do this job. I know is very busy and hard. When I went back home, everybody asked me what about looking for a partner. I have told them and my dad : "  I have been single 10 months. Before this, I was single 4 years. I am not available to anybody, I am a person who is not going to look for relationship. I don’t need a person to stand my leg. All I am going to do is for my life until I finish. "

Some people asked what about my parents. As I said : " Nobody is going to live in this world very long. I have to start to value my life and make my own desicion." If my parents do not want me to work in Hong Kong, I will still go for it no matter what. I would not lose my 2nd chance this time. I got a really wonderful quotation from a book. It says, " If a person really helps himself or herself, the universals will help them."

It is never too late to do whatever I want. If there is an opportunity in front of me, It is never too late to grab it. If there is a person who I really love but can’t be together, It is never too late to tell him or her that " I love you" or give a kiss and a hug.

Since have a great job waititng for me, I can let go things easily to see another new things. I believe this teaching job will give me a lot of experiences and loves.         

I have been home, Malaysia a month. When I came back, Malaysia is developing non-stop. A lot of new houses and new shops. At the moment, I am waiting my hong kong working visa. i am so excited to this adventure. I still don’t know what is Hong Kong exactly like. Most of time, I got the idea from the Hong Kong Shows.

Coming back home, I go back my ballet school, EZBS. i got back my dance training.. I have been putting on 8 kg from Australia. I didn’t really have a proper training since I had my knee injury. During this time, my goal is to lose weight. Somehow, my mum’s friend gave me free member pass to Celebraties fitness. I just think I would like to try it and do some gym to tone back my body shape.

In Celebraties Fitness, it is a very nice club and nice gym. All the decorations are nice. Inside the gym, there are some dance classes for fitness. Well, I joined Luci mix, hip hop class, and coyote dance. When I joined, I found so many elder ladies are so modern. I am so suprise the ladies wearing sport bra to do exercise. Moreover, I also learn more about human body movement in this Fitness club.

In dance class, all the dance instructors are from Brazil. They are very nice and good. Mostly they are doing commercial dance. i just enjoyed my time doing the classes there.. I am lucky what I have learnt in Australia so I know what am I doing in the class.. All I have to do is DANCE FOR MY LIFE. I did few classes, I feel I am getting stronger. In ballet class, i heal back all my ballet. Now, I can do my pointe work better and better.

Just recently, I met a Brazilian dance instructor, Luciano. He is a dancer for commercial. We just recently went out together to have lunch. we shared our dance life together. I told him about what i have been through all my injuries when I dance. Luciano said " It is all our mind to fight our body to make things happen. " I agreed what he told me.. This is the most meaningful thing for me to live in this world, I have to fight and learn until the end…   

2 years life in Australia just flies. Before, I have lived with my family 20 years. In 20 years, I always have my parent’s hard shell to protect me. When I just away from home, I lose the hard shell from my parents…

The main purpose to come to Aus is my Education. I promised my parents that I have to work hard and not to make them worry of me. I will not waste 1 cent coin. My biggest dream is to be a dancer, be independent and have my own living and money.

I have never thought that it is a very hard to come to Aus by Myself. Everybody asked me how I can come here without any frineds and relatives. I said: " I just do it!!" I thought I have made the wrong choice for myself. I always stayed in my room by myself after coming back from dance. All the hard time I have, I don’t understand why I always have it. I used to want to give up everything including my life.

Till the time I moved into Allen St, I start breaking my parents promise. I made the decision for myself to go party with my freinds whitout let them know. I just thought why I don’t give myself an opportunity to see and learn different things. I started don’t tell my parents what I have done in Australia. But, I felt sorry.

1st time stepped into a night club. It is very dark. I can smell the alcohol and I can hear the music is loud. I can see everybody is so intoxicated. Most of them are drunk and happy. The last time I went, I have seen people taking drugs and some men just came to me asking inappropriate buisness. Just recently, I have a housemate and her drinks got spike by somebody. I just reliazed why my parents want to protect and worry of all the time. As a result, I have to make the solution for myself without my parents helping.

I started flash back my independet life. All I have been though 2 years in Aus, these are all the begining of the lord test. I used to think to end my life. End up, I just thought that it is not worth it to end it. If I end it, I fail this test. When I worry so many things here, all my nice friends gave me a lot of positive word. First time, I felt strange that Aus people like to say  " Everything is going to be alright, all you need is to keep trying hard and not to give up everything. Chin Up and Smile!! :- ? I have never heard this positive sentence into my mind since i came here.

Before graduation, I talked to my on the phone. I said: " Dad, I really thank a lot to you have sent me a lot of money for me to get my education. I would like you to know that I am not the 20 years daugther always besides you. I want to live independent. I can’t ask you to protect me from everything. I als can’t ask my love to protect me too. I know you have been through the hard time when you were young. I also have to go through the hard time same as you were young.. There are plenty of things are waiting for me to see."

I felt very painful when I said these words. I know it is going to be hurt. In my culture, most of the girls have to stay with their parents. Some chinese family are still following the traditional that woman can’t make the decision for themselves. That is only parents or man permission. And, I have to break this traditional because I do not want to hold back.

In these 2 years, what I have seen and who I have met. That must be a reason for me to learn from them. I have learnt from heartbroken, pain, failure and stress. I will not regret what I have been through. All my believe and strength are always with me. When I passed all my exams, I start telling myself. " All my achievements are from my hard work, I hope there is a new life for me to walk. I will not go back where I was before. "

I also do some pray. I pray for faith but I don’t pray for success. I brought up from religion places. I have studied Buddhism and Christian when  I was young but I am not very religious person. I studied religion is all about morals and pure. i need to keep religion is to keep my moral values with me all the time. This is why i choose to be FREE THINKER.

I agreed what my friend, Jared told me..  Human life is all about learning and it also a choice. All cultures are the same but the differences cultures are wheather, Environment, Fashion, Politics, Religion, Lifestyle and Up brigning. I learn all different cultures and I take the good ones to walk with my life.

Things are meant to be happening which are meant to be happening. A person left me, hurt me, and broke my heart. I don’t want to "HATE" the person. Hate is the most painful feeling in life. It is always no hate and no pain, be interested in what people might teach you. I always appreaciate what people have taught me.

Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love Lyrics

Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

I resigned my job after Simon left.The last day of working Jimmys, I earned AUD100 tips. I earned customer like me for my last day. I left jimmy with my good impressions and reputations.

I wasn’t very happy to myself to continue jimmys. It was not problem with the Jimmys staff. It was me. Since my dad came to Brisbane, I didn’t get to spend time with him in 13 days. I felt so sorry for him.

I felt so stress when my dad came here. I have to take care so many things until I am going to be very crazy. My dad didn’t know that how hard I have been striving for my life. My dad keep nagging of me so many things. When my dad start nagging on me and he repeated the same things to my head. I just got too much pressures on my head. End up, I have a few fights with him. I told that is nothign I can do about it. i have job offer in Aus and I have given all the visa info to my employers to get my visa. My dad still keep rushing me all the things.

I was so stress. I tried to tell my dad to stop nagging me. He didn’t understand how I feel. All his thinking is Job and money.. He had never thought that spending a good relax time with me.

That was once I went to church, I talked to god. Why my dad over nagged me. I am stress from my manager of my job. I knew 1 day he is going to fire me when I asked for leave to spend time with my dad. I am stress from my working visa. I am sad that I felt so sorry to my dad. He came all the way 10 hours to Brisbane and doing nothing. It was wasting time. I didn;t get a break and the time is too short for me to spend.I asked god, what shoudl i do? Why my dad keep putting a lot of pressures on me inapporiate way? God!! Can you please finish my life? Please end my life. I can;t stand like this anymore. I am not being myself at all.

I was crying in the church. Til now, my dad still dun understand. All the conversations are all about the jobs and money. I wanted to bring him to Gold coast. He didn’t really want it, he still want me to find out other ways to get working visa here. During the lunch, I tried to forget all the jobs. I wanted to talk other than work. But, he just kept quiet. I felt the love turning into hate. Why he treat me like this?

When I went back home, I asked Tessa " Do you have drugs that I can have? Do you have anyways can teach me to kill myself.?" Then I told her all the situation. Tessa was there for me.

I was so tire. i didn’t get to rest after graduation. I have to earn my own money to pay my injury treatments. My dad keep repeating the same thing to me : " Have you hear from school, jobs and anything? You should do it soon.You should go and do pilates." All the mentioned is money and jobs. I felt so dead.

I was so frustrated. I came to Brisbane. I started do my dance from 7 am until 5pm. I have injuries, I still dance. I wasn’t allow to have relationship til now. I have already done it. I send all the application to save my life here. I wasn’t allow to go out after 12am when I was young. I saved so many money and have been through many hard times. I have been obey him and tell everyone I love my dad. I cooked for him, he said still not good enough. I dun know why he is still unsatisfy me.

When my dad can understand? When he stop pressures on me? 

Everybody said working in Jimmys is very suck because the staff treating people not good. I was always stressed in working there because of money, customer’s need, and the supervisors are crazy sometimes.

1 day, I met an English man, Simon is a traveller to Brisbane. He is a police officer in England. He is travelling around Australia and Asia. He speak with his English slang. He is cute and good looking. He asked me where I come from. Then I answered him and he mentioned his gf is half borneo and half english. He told me a lot of stuff about his gf. I can imagine that his gf is beautiful. He is so loving his gf.

When I started working, he said " hehe… you are going to get trouble working with me at the back."  LOL.. I said " ok, Let’s work!!"  When I worked with him, I felt my stress gone. I felt very fun and full of smile. He tricked me that I forgot the cuttery and he made me so embarass in front of the customers.

Simon :" Candy.."

Candy: "Yes, What?"

Simon : "You forget the cutteries."

Candy: "OH O."

Simon: " You still don’t want to take out the cutteries."

I just quickly took out and placed the cutteries to the customer. It was funny and embarass. I started have fun with him. Carmen said she gave massage to him. Somehow, I gave 1 massage to him. He felt so hurt and his face is so funny but he felt relax and good after a while. He said I gave a good massage for him. He gave me a lot of hugs and always called me "Darling " and "Beautiful". I wasn’t very used to it.

When I walked to jimmys is just like walking in the dark, Simon is like my stars who shine on me . I hoped I can work with him all the time. When I was so tire after having IELTS test, I was so down, my energy level was low. Simon concerned about me. He asked me to go home and rest. The next day, he asked Anna about me. Anna told me that he cares of me. I felt happy I have a such a good friend.

Last couple of weeks on Monday, I worked together with him at the back. When I passed by him, he will send me a kiss to me. Both os us are like a teamwork. We don’t care the tables session. We share the tables and tips together. I did have a lot of fun with him.

Then coming on Friday, I was late to work, I was trappe in traffic jam. End up, my manager asked me to go home. I wasn’t very happy. Then I asked Carmen to help me giving my present for him. He liked my pointe shoe present for him. He told me that he liked it and it was beautiful. It was my pleasure for him that I work with him.

The last Sunday (20jan), it was my last day working with Simon. He hugged me so tide because we like each other so much. He has to leave Brisbane in a week and continue his travelling. I have to go my own life very soon. I appreaciate the time working with him on last day.While he was having break, I will always remember he sat at the bench in front of jimmys. He looked so gorgeouse to me especially his smile.   

On the evening, we have a staff party at the Superbowl chinese restaurant. ME and Simon sit beside each other and have dinner together. It was good. We drink together with all other staffs. A lot of laughters and happy from all the staffs. I didn’t expect Simon coming to hold my hand, kiss me or date me. I just want to spend more time and know more people in Brisbane. Sara who is one of the supervisor, she said to Simon " you have been through so many girls, Can you pick of the girls for a date tonite.?"

After dinner, we went to Karook. Simon hold my hand tide and he kissed my lip. So many girls want to go after him and he choosed me to date with him. He said " Candy, you are so beautiful in physical and personality." I told him, your personality attracts me a lot. Too bad, we have to separate very soon. I did enjoy a lot of times with you. We hug tide and hold my hand the tide together.Life is so short, Why not enjoy the time together who you like.

Simon said " It is hard to give up on you. I hope I can stay here longer with you. Candy, you will find a good man with you in future."

I told him, I date 1 nite with him which is very worth it for me to know him and tell him that I like him. I will not regret to walk this moment with Simon. All my prayers and wishes are always with him.

My last meeting him was at jimmys. He worked there last day. He gave me his last hugged and he gave me his funny face. I knew that I am not going to meet up with him anymore. I went to church and lighted up a candle for him and pray for him. I wish that he is a very good police officer in future. Good luck!! Simon.

He sent me a last email. He said " Candy, It was nice meeting you. You are a lovely person. Just be true to yourself."

In my heart said : "Thanks!! Simon."

Twenty- two!!!  I can’t believe it myself I am fully young aldult. haha.. I always still think of myself like a kid. hehe.. Totally away from home 2 years..

I planned to have a thai food dinner with my housemate. There are 18 people came to my b’day party dinner. It was good and enjoy. Everybody was having a good dinner and drink. I am glad my housemates came and spend time with me. I am very happy.

In my whole 20 years life, I always by myself. I was treating like a baby from my parents. No matter what do, i always listened to my parents. In life, the hardest thing to do is become a human. Becoming human is hard to make decision. I love to make decision by myself. Sometimes u either want to listen to the parents or yourself. Come to the age of aldult, being aldult can do whatever you want.If u don’t listen to the parents in 20s, is just think u not obey. If listen to the parents, u just never grow up.

Sometimes people teach things to us, it doesn’t mean protect us and we grow up. As a human being, growing up or becoming stronger are through the experience.

My 22 birthday, I was wearing a white dress and clipping a white flower on my hair. White symbolized Purity. As a human has to be nice and pure, neverever do bad things in life. I wish I have my own living new life to begin. Everything has to start from the zero. I will not go back where I was before. I believe that nothing is impossible. Everything has to make it into a reality.    

I am going to sing this song for my graduation performance. This is so inspiration. I wish I can reach my dream.

Reach lyrics sang by Gloria Estefan

Some dreams live on in time forever
Those dreams, you want with all your heart
And I’ll do whatever it takes
Follow through with the promise I made
Put it all on the line
What I hoped for at last would be mine

If I could reach, higher
Just for one moment touch the sky
From that one moment in my life

I’m gonna be stronger
Know that I’ve tried my very best
I’d put my spirit to the test
If I could reach

If I could reach
If I could reach, higher
Just for one moment touch the sky
From that one moment in my life I’m gonna be stronger

Reach, I’d reach, I’d reach
I’d reach, I’d reach so much higher
Be stronger.